I’ve heard of people collapsing under the weight of their own fortunes, but never thought it would happen to me. I’d grown up with money my entire life, and while I was exposed to a lot of drugs at parties, they just didn’t seem to have any appeal to me. My parents liked to drink so I grew up thinking that alcohol was not a problem.
I traveled extensively growing up and by the time I was 17, I’d been to practically everywhere I wanted to go, and found life was getting stale and unexciting. So when my friends were doing ecstasy at a party, I decided to see what all the fuss was about. It’s amazing how quickly you can get roped in to this kind of thing. I can’t lie and say it didn’t feel good, because it did. The music was pumping, the lights were dim and it was like I was in another world where everything was new and interesting.
I finally found something that provided a regular source of excitement. I started doing E about three times a week, never really knowing what to expect; where I’d up, who I’d end up with, etc. I did things when I was high that my rational self wouldn’t allow me to do when I was sober. It was like I had the night off from thinking or hesitating or exercising sound judgment. For about a year, I would get together with friends, go to some clubs (or stay home), get obliterated on alcohol and take a few tabs to see where the night took me. After a while it took me to a nightmare of delusions and sickness.
The first time I had really bad hallucinations, I thought I just got a bad batch. Then when it happened the second and third time, I knew something was wrong and that my body wasn’t reacting to E the way it used to. I tried to stop, but only grew more paranoid and depressed when I was sober, plus I was getting blinding headaches and was vomiting twice a day. My parents eventually learned about my problem and I initially tried to fight them about going to a luxury drug and alcohol rehab in Florida they had found for me. When they threatened to cut me off completely I finally agreed to go and get help.
I don’t know where I would be today if my parents had not intervened on my behalf and found such a excellent rehab facility. I consider myself very lucky that I have only had to go to rehab once, and have no intention of every even looking at ecstasy again. You think you’re ready for anything when you have everything. But for me, addiction turned out to be the great equalizer.